Thursday, February 26, 2015

Can I tell you something: The Desire for Perfection

Exotic adventures. Shiny, happy couples. Spotless kitchens. Sunshine. The places to be. Smiles. Filters. Filters. Filters. Perfection.

'[Insert name of acquaintance/celebrity/blogger/trend-setter] is eating the most delicious looking [insert trendy food] at [insert trendy restaurant] and her [insert trendy outfit] is so [insert trendy phrase]. And her selfie with [insert husband/boyfriend/bff/celebrity/trend-setter] is perfection; they look like they are having such a great time at [insert trendy event].'

Compare. Compare. Compare.

Can I tell you something?
The age of social media has caused extreme discontentment and jealousy in our lives. Keeping up with the Joneses has become Keeping Up with the Kardashians, and I don't know about you, but I'm not rich and famous for being rich and famous. I don't come home to a million dollar house and neither does the majority of the world. I don't arrive at extravagant parties in a fancy car, wearing an expensive dress. In fact, my car is on it's last leg and I'm pushing to get every mile out of it I can. And not only do I not go to extravagant parties, but I rarely go to any parties.

I want to take it one more level, because I think most of the world is ok with the fact that they're not foolishly wealthy. Pinterest can show me how to keep my house spic and span, how to get toned thighs, how easy it is to make an awesome birthday cake, and 100 tips to improve my relationship with my husband.  But I don't do those things either. My house isn't always clean, I don't have toned thighs, and I can't always make an awesome birthday cake. Also? My husband is really amazing but we argue constantly. Ask anyone that knows us.

Instagram shows us what all our "friends" are out doing and the fact that we are missing out. And the fear of missing out causes stress because we want to be current, and do what our friends are doing. We want to have those memories so that we can look back and say, "look at all the things we did and how happy we were."

Joyful moments can't be enjoyed when we have to stop and share it with the Internet. A deep discussion over a meal can't be a deep discussion when we have to stop to see who's tweeting. We can't date and fall in love without swiping left because 'this just isn't enough,' and 'I need something more'. We can't grasp face-to-face interaction with someone who needs our attention when we are pulled to the screen for mindless entertainment.

'But I need to get some ideas for how to do [xyz]. I know there's a tutorial for it on YouTube. There's 5 minutes before my appointment so I'll just scroll through [insert social media].'

They are all excuses. We turn to our phones because we don't want to experience awkward or intense or deep.

Can I tell you something? About the hard stuff?
It's worth it. We all experience the hard stuff, but we hide it so the watchful eyes of the Internet can't see it. Through awkward situations we learn be be humble. In intense times we discover our passions. Deep moments expose vulnerability, which allows us all to be real with each other.

When you decide to put down your phone and close your laptop, you open up an opportunity. What can you do with that time? Clear your mind and refocus, catch up with an old friend, volunteer. Until we can realize, and truly realize, that we don't need the validation of likes or retweets, and that a real connection isn't through a screen, we are going to continue striving for a perfection that doesn't exist. Perfection doesn't exist. It's time to stop reaching for a lie and just live.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

My Daydream Valentine's Dinner

This year, like the past several years for us, Valentine's kind of sneaks up and then passes by without much thought. We are deep in our basketball league at church and our vday will be spent with about 100 athletes and 150 or so parents. Super romantic! But that doesn't keep me from daydreaming about the meal I would cook up if I wasn't spending all day at the basketball court.

While browsing Pinterest, I came across this delicious-looking salad from Averie Cooks, and after skimming through her recipes, I deemed her my new cook crush. Below is the dinner I would make to complete the PERFECT Valentines Day.

A mouth-watering avocado, salsa, and cream cheese stuffed pastry appetizer, a rum-runner cocktail, the strawberry, avocado, and kale salad that first drew me into her site, the maple barbecue glazed salmon for the main dish, finished off with a flourless (that makes it healthy, right?) peanut butter and chocolate fudge brownie.

Make sure you check out Averie's blog for some delicious looking recipes!

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

weekly truth

We need goals to push ourselves. Lately I've allowed myself to slack off on regularly scheduled blog posts, and while I think it's okay not to overwhelm ourselves with unnecessary work, it's also important to set goals. Which is what this post is all about. I've missed working on weekly truths, getting into the Word, and playing with lettering. So I'm setting a goal to post weekly truths ever week. Help me be accountable, friends!

Friday, January 23, 2015

Can I tell you something: The Hard Questions

"When are you getting engaged?"

"Are you going to get married?"

"When are you going to buy a house?"

"When will you guys have children?"

"Do you have a boy/girlfriend yet?"

"When will you start trying for more children?"

"Do you really like working there?"

"Are you going to try for a boy/girl this time?"

Seemingly innocent questions. All of them. But do you know what I hear when I'm asked the questions I consider hard? I hear, 'your life isn't awesome until you have a spouse/an awesome job/children/more children/insert suggestion here.'

"The truth is, sometimes we ask a question that is the exact question 
that can make someones heart bleed."

Am I being too sensitive? Maybe. Are they being impassive? Maybe; and maybe it's a little bit of both. The truth is, sometimes we ask a question that is the exact question that can make someones heart bleed. If you haven't been privy to the information you're asking, quite frankly, it's probably none of your business. Otherwise, I would have come to you to vent, to ask advice, or just generally share my heart.

If you ask a 30-something woman who has never been married when she's going to settle down, don't you think she's had some pretty rough moments wondering the same thing? Or asking a couple when they are going to have children, not knowing they have just found out that they physically can't. Or telling a friend who is struggling to have financial comfort that they work too much. Or assuming that a houseful of boys isn't good enough for a mom and that of course she wants a girl.

I don't share all my struggles with the world, because I like to remind myself of the most important blessing I have. That I have a God that loves me so much that He sent His son to die for me. And that because I have accepted His love, He gave me the responsibility to help others realize it. I want to focus on that; not the fact that life may not be going the way I hoped.

In addition to that, talking about the hard stuff is, well, hard. There's a reason we don't openly talk about the stuff that weighs on us. It's stressful and difficult and we only want to share it with those that can help us through it.

Let's collectively work on being more cautious when we are meeting up with old friends or chatting with relatives at a family reunion. Instead of pushing our questions, let's take care of them, pray, and be sensitive to them. Let's look out for each other's hearts. Let's love each other deeply.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

meet Kohen Alan

A new nephew arrived over the weekend, and he is just the sweetest little thing. I had to bring him his first birthday cake, which was actually a cookie cake covered in delicious chocolate frosting, because it's become a bit of a tradition. Can't wait to watch this little one grow!