Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Can I tell you something The BFF Breakup

Recently I shared my frustrations with making friends as an adult, but what I didn't share with you was a big reason why making friends was such a scary thought to me. That story is called The BFF Breakup.

If you've never experienced a break up with a friend, you may not realize that it can be just a difficult as a breakup with a boyfriend/girlfriend. Friendship among women shape who we are and remind us who we are. We are there for each other to fill emotional gaps and when it's no longer there the history shared is painful to remember and consider replacing. I know; I've been there.

We met through our then boyfriends, and while we were each developing the relationship with our boys, we developed a friendship. At first she was "The Boyfriend's Best Friend's Girlfriend" and so was I. The four of us did everything together. We definitely had our issues: I was (and still am) incredibly shy and not great at small talk and she didn't let people in easily. Over time though, we grew close because we were very much alike. Common interests such as design, DIY, and makeup made it a bit easier on us, and the list of things we wanted to do together grew long. Pretty soon instead of being the tag-along to our boyfriends' hang-outs, the boys were making plans based on us spending time together. KJB and I got engaged and married, and she was there to inspire me along the way. They got engaged soon after and I had just started doing wedding projects for clients. When she asked me to help her out on their big day, I was thrilled. 

Things changed though when she broke up with her fiancé and called off the wedding. He was, of course, heartbroken, and I'm sure she was too. But when I reached out to her to show her support, she let me know that she no longer needed me either. I was shocked and hurt, because I thought we had something stronger than just a connection through our partners. Over the six years we had known each other, she had become my best friend and someone I genuinely cared for. We never verbally shared our feelings with each other, but I think thought we both knew.

Our sudden group of three felt a bit strange. I didn’t want to intrude on guy time but I didn’t want to sit at home on Friday night, either. Most of the time, I just sat through discussions on sports, beer, and food, contributing little to the conversation and feeling like a drag. While missing the fourth side of our square, I couldn’t help but question why I wasn’t good enough, cool enough, supportive enough, funny enough, or friendly enough to keep around. 

I'm not sure that I have great advice on how to get over a BFF breakup but there are a few things I do suggest...

-Don't hold back the tears.
It's okay to cry it out. You're going to feel lonely and maybe embarrassed - just like the end to any relationship. Don't feel ashamed for feeling sad.

-Figure out a way to say good-bye.
If your breakup was like mine, you didn't really have an ending or a chance to say whatever you wanted to say. So write a letter to your former friend and write out exactly how your relationship impacted you. Then put it in a mailbox without an address. You'll feel good for writing out your feelings and sending them out into the world.

-Consider the next time you might see her.
If you live close to each other or have mutual friends, there's a chance you could run into each other. Think of a couple of topics you could use for small talk if you need to. And keep in mind, it will probably be just as awkward for her. By putting on a smile and asking about her hobbies, you're acknowledging the fact that you had history and it meant something to you.

-Cut ties.
For me, it was painful to see my former BFF out with new girlfriends and taking on new adventures. It resurfaced those feelings of not being enough. In order to get over the hurt, I had to remove her from my social media, so I unfriended her on Facebook and unfollowed her Instagram. This may seem drastic and possibly immature but by doing so, I felt better about my own healing process.

-Keep praying for her.
No subtext needed for this one. She needs prayers just like you do and you prayer for people you love. 

And lastly, if you are having those horrible "not enough" feelings, I encourage you to visit this post by Annie Downs, as she has some amazing words of encouragement.

Friday, October 10, 2014

4 Ways to Make a New Place Feel Like Home

1. Put out a new doormat.
Instead of dragging that old worn out doormat with you, pick up an inexpensive and personalize it. A fresh mat for a fresh start in a new home.

a// A trendy monogram.
b// Uneven stripes.
c// I'm loving the look of this wooden slat.
d// The color possibility is endless!
e//A nautical braided mat (don't worry, there are step-by-step instructions!)

2. Mix some new art in with pieces you already love.
Whether you've decided on a collage wall or several vignettes around your place, seeing some of your old favorites along side new ones will give you a feeling of growth.

a // Fun kitchen art looks great on a clipboard; by The Shabby Chic Cottage.
b // I'm practically salivating over this coffee illustration by The Pretty Blog.
c // A few whimsical feathers pair perfectly with anything; by Oh So Lovely.
d // A simple, feminine reminder. By Creature Comforts.
e // Chalkboard isn't going out of style anytime soon with this printable by Fifth and Hazel for Caravan Shoppe.

3. Organize your bathroom.
This may sound silly, but you have to feel comfortable in your bathroom. There is a familiarity in bath-time routines and once you have your favorite products in place, the sooner you can relax into that routine in your new place.
a// Live Simply by Annie always has the best organization tips, including these great shower systems. 
b// A bath tray makes the room nice and inviting, and of course, is perfect for leisure baths. 
c// Perfect for shared bathrooms (think dorms or apartments), consider a cute trolley for all of your bath products and tools.
d// Shanty 2 Chic did an amazing job on this wood storage cabinet with a mirrored door.
e// If you have plenty of counter space, and plenty of products to store, take a tip from Golden Boys and Me and dress up the vanity.

4. Bake cookies.
Break in your new kitchen by baking a batch of cookies. Fill your home with that sweet aroma and maybe share some with your new neighbors for a reverse welcome gift.

a// applesauce chocolate chip
b// peanut butter chocolate chip
c// gluten free molasses
d// lemon shortbread with salted chocolate
e// banana cream pie cookies

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Can I tell you something: The Thief of Joy

As you may or may not know, I tend to dabble in several different things at once, one of them being a mini business adventure that I've (kinda) attempted twice. Since I've only kinda attempted it, of course has been not so successful - a fault that I own. That being said, I did have a friend who encouraged me and supported me in this mini business and I was grateful for her. It lasted about a year and then I completely stopped marketing (if you could call it that) my product.

Fast-forward about six months to a text from my friend requesting info on creating my product. Immediately I was hesitant to give away my secrets. That was my thing and I could not show her, my very best client, how to recreate my thing. I would lose any business I might get from her. Blowing her off, I went back to what I was doing, irritated and annoyed.

Three days later, my friend sent me an invitation to join a Facebook page to her new company. Selling my thing that I had sold her so many times. I was furious. 'How dare she? She didn't even know what she was doing! I thought we were friends!' Ignoring her again, I vented to KJB and a few friends. However, much to my dismay her business took off gaining more than 2,000 followers in less than a month. She was constantly posting new product and selling out of items, and because of that, my fury grew. 'How dare she? She didn't even know what she was doing! I thought we were friends.'

That night while feeling sorry for myself, I curled up on the couch and started flipping through the channels. For a reason unbeknownst to me (that would be God) I paused on the Lifetime channel, a channel I never watch, just in time to see a crying girl say, "can't you just be happy for me?!" and I realized that I had turned into the very thing I despise: I had become The Thief of Joy.

You see this friend of mine was doing something I couldn't do. Something at which I had been afraid to fail and so I had only kinda attempted it. She dived headfirst when I had only been able to dip my toes. And for every time I thought, "'How dare she? She didn't even know what she was doing! I thought we were friends,' I was really only angry with myself. Furthermore, I was allowing myself to compare her success to mine.

How dare I? 
Instead of celebrating with her, I had been opposing her. Instead of lifting her up and praying for her in her business adventure, I had been questioning God on why I hadn't had that success. I had been selfish, simple as that.

Why do we do that? Why do we have to gain an advantage over the woman next to us? Why do we have to compare? Looking back, I know what I should have done, but why is our automatic response to put up our walls?

 I'm working on tearing down those walls, as well as preventing them from going up. We all might be a little happier in life if we gave it a try. I don't want to be The Thief of Joy.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Green BEAN Delivery + $15 off coupon code!

Last week we received our first delivery from Green BEAN Delivery, a food delivery service that brings fresh, local produce and natural groceries to your doorstep all year long. It is a flexible membership service that allows you to schedule weekly or bi-weekly deliveries, but also postpone delivery for an extended time (think, eating produce out of your own garden during the summer). I discovered the company through Val from Chicken Scratch Blog and I had to give it a try.

I placed an order for the smallest produce bin and selected a few additional grocery items. Grocery shopping from my computer and avoiding the crowd and lines was the best part of the entire experience. The cooler bins showed up just as scheduled and when I got home at 5 o'clock from work everything inside was still nice and cool.

For the most part, I loved everything I received. There was a bit of disappointment in the size of a few things, including the apples and the potatoes. I was also under the impression that the Butternut Azteca soup and the pasta where going to be larger portions (dinner for two) instead of lunch for one, but that's just part of shopping online. Next time I will be a better judge of sizes. The granola (blueberry flax) is one of my favorite items from the entire order. The portion was generous and tasted delicious. 

The day we received the order, I whipped up some turkey burgers with a large, fresh salad and baked potatoes. For dessert we split a baked granny smith apple (and I didn't skimp on the brown sugar), which was amazing.

This service is one of the few available in my area and while it was a bit spendy for me. $67 for my total order and I can get local produce in larger portions at my local Meijer, but of course then you don't have the convenience. During busy seasons, this service will most likely be my best friend and I look forward to ordering again.

To save $15 on your first order, use the coupon code "15SAml". It expires one week from today. And come back and tell me how you liked it!

*The small produce bin was gifted to me in exchange for a review. All opinions are my own.

Friday, October 3, 2014

Friday Favorites

a // Gold Sutton Necklace from Stella & Dot. b // Candie's Blossom eye glasses. c // Nyx Butter Lipstick in Licorice. d // Abercrombie and Fitch denim vest. e // Pilot Razor Point marker pens. f // Love and Beauty's foot mask.

purchase any of these items right here.