Friday, January 23, 2015

Can I tell you something: The Hard Questions

"When are you getting engaged?"

"Are you going to get married?"

"When are you going to buy a house?"

"When will you guys have children?"

"Do you have a boy/girlfriend yet?"

"When will you start trying for more children?"

"Do you really like working there?"

"Are you going to try for a boy/girl this time?"

Seemingly innocent questions. All of them. But do you know what I hear when I'm asked the questions I consider hard? I hear, 'your life isn't awesome until you have a spouse/an awesome job/children/more children/insert suggestion here.'

"The truth is, sometimes we ask a question that is the exact question 
that can make someones heart bleed."

Am I being too sensitive? Maybe. Are they being impassive? Maybe; and maybe it's a little bit of both. The truth is, sometimes we ask a question that is the exact question that can make someones heart bleed. If you haven't been privy to the information you're asking, quite frankly, it's probably none of your business. Otherwise, I would have come to you to vent, to ask advice, or just generally share my heart.

If you ask a 30-something woman who has never been married when she's going to settle down, don't you think she's had some pretty rough moments wondering the same thing? Or asking a couple when they are going to have children, not knowing they have just found out that they physically can't. Or telling a friend who is struggling to have financial comfort that they work too much. Or assuming that a houseful of boys isn't good enough for a mom and that of course she wants a girl.

I don't share all my struggles with the world, because I like to remind myself of the most important blessing I have. That I have a God that loves me so much that He sent His son to die for me. And that because I have accepted His love, He gave me the responsibility to help others realize it. I want to focus on that; not the fact that life may not be going the way I hoped.

In addition to that, talking about the hard stuff is, well, hard. There's a reason we don't openly talk about the stuff that weighs on us. It's stressful and difficult and we only want to share it with those that can help us through it.

Let's collectively work on being more cautious when we are meeting up with old friends or chatting with relatives at a family reunion. Instead of pushing our questions, let's take care of them, pray, and be sensitive to them. Let's look out for each other's hearts. Let's love each other deeply.